Sunday, August 31, 2008

Being a Good Lover...

Okay...for the sake of women everywhere, I feel the need to express the importance of being a good lover. A good lover encompasses many things. You have the emotional side, which is a lot harder to attain, and the physical side which is the easiest. As far as being a good lover emotionally, there isn't really a lot I can say aside from the your partner for who they are, not who you wish they were. It is amazing what can happen when you stop trying to change them and mould them into what you want them to be and just start letting them be who they want to be. The freedom in that is what leads to long term success emotionally. When you love each other unconditionally and let each other just be, a certain freedom comes that can't be taken away. This freedom can create incredible happenings in the bedroom. When you aren't constantly worried about whether or not you are good enough for your partner, you become a whole new become you. You feel free to express yourself, to be more outgoing, and with that comes new revelations and a lot of fun! As far as being a good lover physically, what is most important is remembering to focus on them. In doing that, nothing gets missed. You are the center of someone' attention and so are they. Making sure they receive pleasure is your only goal. Remember guys, it takes women longer to attain that pleasure than it does for you. Knowing your way around her body certainly helps, so if you're a little unsure of her hot spots, check out some of my earlier posts. Girls, same for you...if you are focused on giving him pleasure, then he will automatically want to see to your pleasure in return. I am lucky that my partner is so incredible. Though he may not know it, he leads me to a lot of my revelations.
Anyway, posts are becoming a bit more spaced out because I've been working on compiling data from the first round of surveys. Round two will be going out in the next week or two, so all of you on my list, be ready...for those of you not on my list, but interested in contributing (anonymously, of course) any and/or all of your carnal knowledge of the opposite or same sex, send me a message and let me know so I can get you added to my contact list. For now, remember this...pleasure your partner first and foremost and yours will be guaranteed!

Kisses xxx

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Role Playing 101 tends to conjure up different images for all of us, but one thing is for conjures up a very pleasing image one way or another. If you and your partner have tried it, then you know that the result is definitely worth the effort. Not only is it fun, it really isn't as embarrassing as some of you are thinking. If you have never tried it before, you may have some concerns, such as will he/she think I'm a freak? Or, maybe you will worry about whether or not you will actually be able to go through with it. Well, let me tell you...try it. Just once and you will be convinced. Role-playing is not something to be done everyday. It is one of those thing that you pull out of your hat every now and then to spice things up. I will tell you this right now...go into it with an open mind, confidence, and anticipation of enjoying yourself. These are your three keys to success. You can try finding out what your partner would enjoy ahead of time. Everyone has thought about it at least once. In our sex-driven society, who can't? It may be easier to broach the subject either during or after sex, since you are both already in that frame of mind and quite possible feeling so on top of the world that you would be willing to share anything. Some scenarios to try? Teacher/student, master/slave, cop/robber, doctor/nurse/patient, stranger caught unawares...these are some of the more "standard" ones. There are a world of others if you will only open up your imagination. There are a ton of naughty costumes out there for both guys and girls including military, fairy, fairy tale, angels, devils, racing digs, super heros, story book (Snow White, Little Bo Peep, etc.)...the possibilities are endless. Once you have chosen your scenario and the "big day," make sure you have plenty of uninterrupted time together. Trust me, no matter how shy your partner or you, you or he/she will lose that feeling within about 5 minutes. It is almost impossible to feel that way when your partner is looking at you like they can't wait to devour you. Want to get ballsy? Bring a camera into the it a still or video, but just make sure you trust who you are doing that with so you don't wind up on "Naughty Amateurs II, Role Playing 101" on the net. Then, just let things go where they may. It is a lot of fun, and a chance for you to focus on nothing but the two of you and your respective pleasures! Have fun and get creative. Check out my poll and let me know your favorite "basic" role-playing's anonymous, I promise!

Kisses xxx

Friday, August 15, 2008

Pornography...Yea or Nay?

Let's face it...pornography has been around for generation upon generation. I looked up the definition of pornography, out of curiosity and got two completely different responses:
obscene writings, drawings, photographs, or the like, esp. those having little or no artistic merit. Interesting observation...probably written by some prudish closet-porn addicted school marm. More accurately, Webster's definition is a bit more pleasurable:
1 : the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement
2 : material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement
3 : the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction
Pornography really is worth another look, especially these days. Most guys enjoy various forms of pornography, be it mags, videos, or internet porn. Most women feel that if their man is looking at porn, then they are lacking something in the bedroom. Not entirely true. Pornography is meant to elict sexual excitement. Have you ever had those days when it seems nothing can get you in the mood? Try a little fantasy reading or a mild porn video. Trust me, it will work like a charm! Pornography has gotten a bad wrap, too. Many women feel that it is degrading and entirely fake and some of it is. But there are the good ones out there too! Erotica, or pornography videos that are made for women by women, (which is promoted on the back, or just ask the store clerk for some help) are everywhere and much more appealing to women. Get rid of your time your honey wants to watch a porn video, tell him you'll join him if he'll let you pick the flick...He'll probably be so surprised and eager that he'll readily agree to it. And if you are still uncomfortable, try easing into it with a soft-core selection such as 9 1/2 Weeks or The Postman Always Rings Twice. Just remember a few try a few. Be it videos or magazines or erotic books, give it a fair shot before you dismiss it. Do have it playing in the background. Look up every once in a while and maybe you'll be inspired by a particular thing you'd like to try. You'd be surprised at how erotic the sights and sounds can really be. Do remember to laugh. Porn isn't meant to watch from start to finish like a traditional movie. And there is a bit of comic relief in all of them. It will make you more comfortable if you can laugh at the truly laughable. Don't take it personally if your partner like to watch or look at porn. It doesn't mean they are not happy with you. It is really no different than role-playing. It is simply a tool to be used to spice things up a bit. Don't rely on it to get you in the mood. Bad habits die hard. Don't push it off onto your partner. If they don't enjoy it, leave it be. At the same time, don't pressure your partner to stop watching or looking at porn just because you don't like it. As long as it isn't excessively violent or child-related, it's their business. Just ask them politely to do it on their own. Respect each other's wishes. Don't feel guilty about being turned on by it. See the above definition. You are not a pervert for being turned on by it. As long as it is appropriate porn. There is a definite line between appropriate and inappropriate. Aside from all of that, enjoy it and give it a chance. You might just be surprised!

Kisses xxx

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Guys (and you ladies as well), Listen Up!

Okay, for all you guys out there, I am going to give you some much needed help when it comes to dealing with your women. To women, sex is not just sex. Especially if you are in either a long term relationship or married. Sex is a lot more than sex. She has sex with her body and her mind. To her, sex is a chance to be extremely close to the one that she loves the most. It gives her a chance to connect to you in a way that is impossible through everyday occurrences. It heightens her level of respect for you, her feelings for you emotionally and physically and helps remind her that even though you both have busy schedules, she is important to you. It helps her validate herself, as a woman, and her relationship with you. To her, sex is emotional. When she has sex with you, she is giving herself, mind-body-soul, to you. She is letting her guard down and making herself vulnerable. She is offering herself to you in the most intimate way possible. This is a part of her that is for you and you only. No one else gets to see her this way. If you reject this part of her, then your relationship will not only go downhill, but will roll downhill at an alarming rate. Let's face it. Like most couples, the two of you probably have sex in a variety of ways, there is lazy sex, crazy-good sex that is just lots of fun, quickies, and sometimes even just "animal" sex where it is nothing but sex. She is quite able to have "just sex," because she sees sex as a bigger picture. She needs you to recognize that for her, sex isn't just sex. She is not asking for sex to become all emotional for you. We, as women, realize that that just isn't going to happen with most of you guys out there. Just like for most of us women out there, sex will never be just sex. What is important to both of you is recognition and acceptance. You both need to recognize and accept what sex is to each other. In doing this, you are able to give each other what you both need. Which, in the long run, can make sex even better. If you don't understand and are just completely lost, ask your partner. If they try and explain it and you are still completely lost, be patient and ask for more detail. Give them a chance to explain and give yourself a chance to understand. Understanding doesn't mean you have to change how you view sex, it just means that you will be able to give your partner what they need the most, which will make you all the more incredible in their eyes and quite possibly make you the person he/she loves and wants to be around the most. And if you can't handle that, then you are in the wrong place with the wrong person. Just remember to open your mind and try. At the very least, you will get an "A" for effort and she will definitely appreciate it even if you are still lost, because you have just made her feel important enough to put effort into. That will score you major brownie points!

Kisses xxx

Friday, August 8, 2008

Naughty or Nice?

Being naughty...what could be more fun?! Let's face it, people...we all like sex. Hell, we love it. You can't deny, at least to yourself, that there is no better feeling in the world than when you are at the peak of orgasm. Physically, it feels great, right? So why are we, as a society in general, so inclined to act like sex is something dirty that should only be experienced in the dark? And talking about it? Totally taboo. Once upon a time, sex was revered as divine. It was worshiped. Let's look at the Kama Sutra. A thousands of years old book totally devoted to sex. While most people see it as a "positions" book with lots of naughty drawings, and would never admit to being fascinated by it, there is a lot more to it than that. All of those spiritual sex guides like Tantra, Tao, and the Kama Sutra, were about, receiving, and most of all, enjoying it. And there is a lot to be said for what they teach. People who practice spiritual sex have more intense pleasure and tend to enjoy it more. Male followers of Tantric sex have can generally experience multiple orgasms. Not just the stuff of fairy tales. Multiple orgasms for men are completely within reach. As are a lot of other wondrous things. But for a lot of people, women in particular, sex is a head game. If you can learn to overcome the reservations about sex that society has thrust upon us, there is a veritable world of incredible pleasure that awaits you. Of course, you have to know what pleases you before you can enjoy someone else pleasuring you. Because if you don't know what pleases you, then how can you let your partner know what pleases you? You also have to learn how to openly communicate about sex without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about when it comes to sex. If you will remember the following pointers, it may help you let go of some of your reservations:
1. You aren't the only one in the room that wants to receive pleasure. Your partner is in the same boat you are in. And all across America and the world even, there are millions of people doing the same thing you are doing and maybe even at the same time!
2. Sex is completely natural. The whole point of sex isn't just breeding offspring. Having an orgasm releases endorphins that help reduce stress and help you sleep. It's like a natural sleeping pill...with super awesome side effects!
3. Sex burns calories...what better exercise is there? Approximately 300 calories are burned during an hour of sex. And the out come? Awesome endorphin release!! :) I have actually come across a "guide" that tells how many calories are burned for different things during sex, such as positions, almost getting caught, trying to hold back, etc...I mean you could have an amazing workout routine and tailor it to how many calories you want to burn. If people could get over their reservations about sex, our nation might actually fall off of the list of "fattest" countries!
I could go on, but for now I won't. That is a start. That "guide" I was talking about will hopefully make it into the book, but it's a bit much to post. The next few post will be devoted to pleasure. Pleasuring yourself, pleasuring your partner, learning how to enjoy pleasure and everything else pleasure related! It makes me feel naughty just thinking about it!! Learn to love being naughty, there is great freedom in it!

Kisses xxx

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Coveted Hot Spot

Hey you all!! So this G-Spot fascination...what is it all about? The G-Spot was "discovered" by Ernst Gräfenberg, a German gynecologist, around 1950. (He is also the supporter of female ejaculation!) The G-Spot in women is located on the front of the vaginal wall. With her lying on her back, insert a finger or two, pads of finger(s) facing up, or towards her belly button, and it's about two to three inches up and feels slightly spongy. Try different strokes or massaging techniques to see what makes her feel good. There is a theory that not all women have a g-spot. This is still debated and the only way you are going to find out is by exploration! Sounds like fun, huh? The g-spot orgasm is much deeper and more intense.
Guys, you also have a g-spot! "Say what?!", you may's true! The prostate gland is now recognized by numerous sexperts and doctors as the male g-spot. The easiest way to access it is through anal stimulation, and some guys, just like women, have reservations regarding anal stimulation. Ladies, if your partner is up for it, read on to find out how to stimulate it. Using lots of lube, insert a finger into his anus, with the pad of your finger facing is testicles. About two to three inches up, you should feel a rough patch about the size of a walnut. Try different techniques to see what pleases him. Have him tell you what feels good and take it slow. Unless he is used to it, anal stimulation can take some getting used to...for both parties.
If you are going to explore each other's g-spots, make sure you have plenty of time uninterrupted, plenty of lighting (but not harsh girls prefer softer lighting) and plenty of lube. Toys are also fun for g-spot exploration in both men and women. Just make sure to keep the lines of communication open and have a "safe" word or a word that, when spoken by either party, can call a halt to the action in case either party gets uncomfortable or needs to stop for any reason. This is a great thing to have for anytime you are trying something new and different, with someone new or a long-term partner. Either way, it's all about having fun and feeling good, so make sure you have a ball!! (Pun totally intended!)

Kisses xxx

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Great Orgasm Debate

A long time ago, during darker days, it was debated whether or not women could even orgasm, let alone do it more than once. It was once believed that when a woman spoke, all she was capable of speaking was lies and that the devil or demons caused this. We have come a long way in the ways of female pleasure and it finally was recognized that women were able to receive pleasure as much as men. But where the female orgasm stems from is still debated today. There is a vast majority of sexperts, doctors and the like that swear that all female orgasms stem from clitoral stimulation. But there are women that swear up and down that they have experienced non-clitoral orgasms. There are vaginal orgasms, G-Spot orgasms and goodness knows what else. It is now known that women, not men, have an organ whose only function is to give pleasure. The clitoris has one function and that is it. Men don't have that...aren't we lucky?! So it makes sense that everyone believes that our only way of getting pleasure stems from this organ. But, according to some women, there are other avenues to pleasure out there. Vaginal and g-spot orgasms are much deeper and more intense than clitoral orgasms. I have added a poll to my blog and would love to hear your responses. Don't worry, they stay anonymous! Let me hear from all of you naughty divas out there and maybe we can settle the Great Debate once and for all! More on the great orgasm tomorrow!

Kisses xxx

Friday, August 1, 2008

The Nectar of the Gods

Okay, it is...a guide to giving her the best cunnilingus she has ever had. And my props to those guys out there that are man enough to recognize that there is nothing wrong with a little advice. Too many guys think that they are already an expert in pleasing their partners. Out of all the sexual self-help types of books out there, over 90% are purchased by women. Statistically speaking, women are the ones who are always wanting to improve, even if they are already excelling at something. Guys generally think that there is no need for improvement if they are already doing it right. Guys, there is always room to add some skills to your repertoire.
Oral sex is something that both sexes report wanting more of. Why the fascination? There is something extremely naughty about the thought of someone licking your genitals. And it is okay to just lie back and enjoy without feeling like you have to return the favor. Just remember to return the favor at some point. If one of you doesn't feel like it, it's okay. Take turns, just don't "keep score."
The most important thing you can remember, guys, is that it takes her longer to reach orgasm than it does for you. The best thing you can do for her is to not rush her. And don't make her feel like you aren't getting any pleasure from it. That will add pressure and make her less likely to come. Let her know you are enjoying yourself. Make a lot of sensual sounds and tell her how much you like it. Start off slow and be sure you ask her how she likes, slow, soft, hard, etc. Your position is very important here. If she likes positions of power and isn't easily embarrassed, lay down on your back and have her straddle your face on her knees. It gives her the sense of being in power, kind of like a master/slave fantasy. If she is easily intimidated, let her lay on her back with you between her legs. It will give her more confidence and less pressure which equals faster coming. As far as positioning your tongue goes, use the flat of your tongue as opposed to the tip. Use plenty of saliva and if need be, keep a glass of water handy to help you out. You can also find flavored lubes out there at most adult stores in a variety of flavors. Remember, guys, timing is important. Make sure she knows you are enjoying yourself and don't rush her. Keep your strokes steady and ask her how fast she likes it. It's always best to be too gentle than too rough, if she wants it harder, she'll let you know. If she pulls away slightly, ease up on the pressure. If she arches up trying to get closer, use more pressure. Try to be attuned to her body language. If you can't figure it out, ask her. Her body will tense when she nears orgasm. At that point, maintain the rhythm. As she's climaxing, slow down easily and gently. She may push you away afterwards, but that is just because most women are extremely and unbearably sensitive right after an orgasm. Just pay attention to her signals and ask her to let you know what feels good. Let her have your undivided attention with no limit on time and you will both have a rocking good time!

Kisses xxx

Blow Him Away...Literally!

Men love oral sex. Period. I mean what guy wouldn't? All of that warm and wet action on something so packed full of sensitive nerve endings that silk boxers make him hard...what is not to love?! Well, ladies, get ready...I'm going to give you some tips to take him over the top. If you want to give him the best fellatio he's ever had, read on...(I've also posted one on how he can give you fabulous cunnilingus to you...guys, make sure you read up!
Oral sex is something that both sexes report wanting more of. Why the fascination? There is something extremely naughty about the thought of someone licking your genitals. And it is okay to just lie back and enjoy without feeling like you have to return the favor. Just remember to return the favor at some point. If one of you doesn't feel like it, it's okay. Take turns, just don't "keep score."
The first thing you need to do is learn to love it. If you love it, you will be good at it. Most women are hesitant because of the smell, the thought of having to swallow or the gag reflex. All three can be easily fixed and you can still enjoy it. Make him feel like you are loving it by making a lot of sexy, throaty sounds and giving him the classic "bedroom eyes" look. Men are visual creatures, play up to that and he'll be rock hard in no time! Men, while they may joke about it, love foreplay. You shouldn't have your mouth anywhere near him unless he is rock hard. Tease him mercilessly. Give him a seductive massage, trail your hands all over him, and use whatever skills you've got to get him there. Tease, tease, tease! Make sure you add variety. Don't get me wrong, he isn't going to turn down an opportunity for oral sex even if it is the same every time, but he will love it if you spice it up. Start out by trying different positions in the bedroom. When you get a little more comfortable, surprise him in different locations of the house. When he's sitting on the couch watching the game or when he's at his desk on the computer. Trust me, he'll be interested. When you've accomplished that, move onto something that will make his jaw drop. Try it while he's driving, but not in heavy traffic in a major city! Also, keep eye contact with him if you aren't too embarrassed. He'll love it! We generally tend to concentrate on his penis. But don't forget, he has other sensitive parts as well. The perineum, or the area of skin between the testicles and the anus, is packed with nerve endings. Also, a lot of men love to have their testicles massaged or licked as well. Use both of your hands. One can be used to play and stimulate different areas, but the other can be used as an anchor. Hold the base of his penis and you will be the one controlling how deep he goes. This comes in handy especially if you have sensitive gag reflexes. And if his hands travel to the back of your head and start pushing too much, tell him "Hands off or it stops." Deep-throating is more of a head game than anything. Remember, most of his nerve endings are in the head, not the shaft, so deep-throating really does nothing spectacular. If you can deep-throat, fantastic! But you don't have to be able to in order to give him good oral sex. Make sure he can see what is going on. Let him see your tongue licking up and down. Treat it like a popsicle and run your tongue all over in different directions and make sure you don't neglect the head. Run your tongue all over and around the head and every few seconds, take the head into your mouth and suck slightly. The more tongue movement while it's in your mouth, the better. Keep your teeth covered and try not to scrape them against his penis. Decide whether you are going to spit or swallow before hand. And if you don't want to do either one, that's okay too. Just plan it out before you get started. Remember that sex is messy. It's a turn-off for him to see you run from the room like his semen is poison. If you are going to spit it out, have a towel handy and do it discreetly. If you keep his penis aimed at the back of your throat and swallow quickly, it's much easier than trying to take it all in and then swallow. If he tastes bad, it's probably something in his diet. Have him start eating more fruit and drinking water and fruit juices and less beer and sodas. If he balks, tell him why and he may be more inclined to try it. One last thing: remember that communication is the key. Have fun, ladies, and have your guys tune in later for their guide to knocking your socks off!

Kisses xxx